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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29205330">Oikawa’s Journey</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ISSEIS/pseuds/ISSEIS'>ISSEIS</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>When We Grow Up [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bad Parenting, Bullying, Homophobia, M/M, Negative Thoughts, Parental Death, Self-Insert, Slurs, Substance Abuse, content warning, trigger warning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:34:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,042</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29205330</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ISSEIS/pseuds/ISSEIS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>in which he figures himself out through the years</p><p>TW // some homophobia, bullying, mention of substance abuse, bad parenting, parental death, slurs, negative thoughts</p><p>pls don’t read if any of that bothers you i don’t want anyone to be like hurt or anything (also for the slur warning i only used it because i, myself, am allowed to say it)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>When We Grow Up [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Oikawa’s Journey</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this isn’t properly proofread</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Oikawa was born, anyone would’ve easily said that he was the cutest baby they’ve ever seen. How could they not? He had those big, precious, chestnut-brown eyes, softest, purest smile, and a tuft of toffee brown hair.</p><p>But years passed, and Oikawa grew, naturally. Cute turned into pretty, and pretty drew envy. Good looks were either a blessing or a curse, sometimes both. It was a shame, really. The world being so corrupt that a three year old would experience what jealousy could do to a person through a first-hand account of the victim.</p><p>It was at age three, that his father hadn’t collapsed under pressure yet, they were still happy back then. It was at age three, that his father was only in the very early beginning stages of his alcoholic ‘therapy’ method. It was at age three, when he learned that the world wasn’t as nice as TV made it seem.</p><p>He was on the swings. He wanted to be independent, make his mother proud, so in that youthful voice he requested, “Mommy, I wanna try on my own! I’ll be a big boy!”</p><p>She couldn’t refuse that smile, not when she was slowly starting to realise that he’d soon be all she had left. She stepped back, standing off on the side to watch her son in action.</p><p>He gripped onto the metal chains, kicking his feet in time together with the sway of his body weight, feeling himself rock against the seat. He did it on his first try, a talent he’d soon find out he’d have to hone.</p><p>“Mommy, look! I’m doing it, I’m doing it!” He was proud of himself, she was proud of him, they were happy. Only for a bit though.</p><p>“Honey, come here.” They both turned towards the voice at the mention of the female Oikawa’s pet name. She sighed, twisting it into a smile for the sake of her son, he was too young. Too young to know, too young to witness. “I’ll be back in a bit.”</p><p>A bit turned into a few, and a few turned into a while. Now, he was bored of the swings, deciding to hop off, although not without a few scrapes, and run over to the slide. There were a few kids running around and chasing one another, but he knew better than to talk to strangers, even if they were around his age, his mother made sure of that.</p><p>He climbed up the steps that led to a small rope bridge connecting the two islands. One of entry points and the other of multiple exits, granted he could always just turn around.</p><p>He tread carefully across the rope, he feared his feet would slip right through despite all the safety regulations, and stood proud on the other side. He was barely even aware of the giggles and footsteps that seemed to get louder as they neared until he was sitting on the curved plastic and felt a small -- although for his size, it probably felt much bigger -- hand on his back that gave him a rough push and sent him tumbling down said plastic.</p><p>He exited the slide with a somersault, rolling onto the grass, landing face first. As he sat up, he spat out bits of the Earth that had found its way into his mouth when his face had contorted up in shock and fear.</p><p>“What was that for?” He questioned, pushing himself back to support most of his weight on his butt and the hand that was extended a bit behind him as he sat on the ground, bringing the other to touch lightly at his irritated nose and stinging lips.</p><p>The kids that surrounded him had to be about four or five, maybe all of them except the one on the end who looked as mean as the rest seemed albeit his expression holding a bit of softness, he could pass for three years old.</p><p>“It’s not fair that <em>you</em> get to be pretty,” Oikawa didn’t know whether that was a compliment or an insult. “let us mess you up a bit.”</p><p>And that’s when he felt a foot being jammed into his side, another jabbing at his knee. Before another limb could be impacted, he heard a voice, one that soon grew to be his favorite. “Hey, stop it! That’s not cool, you guys!”</p><p>His hair was short, yet it stuck out in all sorts of directions and even looked a bit pointy. He had a deep shade of caramel skin and forest green eyes. His lips were pulled into a frown, one they’d both soon grow accustomed to, as he protested against their actions.</p><p>“Oh yeah?” The tallest of the other three smirked, leaning over — who Oikawa now deemed to be his savior — in an attempt to intimidate him. “And what are you going to do to stop us?”</p><p>The shorter boy blinked, recalling what his parents had always told him to do in a situation where he was confronted head-on, and that was to use his head.</p><p>Granted, they could’ve been a bit more specific, they wouldn’t be okay with their three year old son developing brain damage because he had decided to headbutt three older kids in a row. Their skull was naturally a little thicker than his, due to being older and such.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” His voice had an edge to it, different from the first thing he’s heard him say. His eyes danced over the forming bruise in the middle of the boy’s forehead, guilt starting to swirl up inside himself because he was the cause of it.</p><p>It was then that he was broken from his little trance by the fact that the kid was extending his arm out as an offering to help him up. He took it, of course, pulling him into a hug. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” He chanted, a bright smile on his face.</p><p>At three years old, unbeknownst to the many things he had yet to experience, he was still as lively and expressive as he was supposed to be for a kid his age.</p><p>He pulled back, taking in the slightly shorter boy’s features once again. He wanted to be like this kid, strong enough to protect himself against others, but that move looked like it hurt a lot, especially after the third consecutive time.</p><p>“I’m Tooru! Will you be my friend?” He stood with hope in his eyes, not knowing that he was practically guaranteed a ‘yes.’</p><p>The fact that the other kid had a hard time getting along with others and making his own friends had nothing to do with it… or maybe it did just a bit, but they were three and toddlers crave human contact.</p><p>“Sure, I’m Hajime.”</p><p>And so, Tooru took Hajime to his mother’s car, where his mom nearly had a heart attack at the cuts on his son and the darkening bruise and the random kid’s forehead he had just brought back with him, and took him back to his own home for a playdate, after a long explanation to Hajime’s parents first. They then found out that they were neighbours, and that started what turned out to be a blossoming friendship.</p><p>***</p><p>Three years later, at age six, Hajime had cancelled on their regular Saturday morning playdate, that always turned into a sleepover at a respective house each week, for a visit to his grandmother’s home.</p><p>Tooru held no grudge, he was barely able to understand what a grudge was, but just told him that they’d do it next week, it wasn’t the end of the world.</p><p>He had filled his time rewatching his favorite episodes of the animated sci-fi series he had seemed to be so in to. He watched it all day, only taking a small snack break for lunch, until he was called for dinner, then his sister helped him wash up in the shower before she was allowed out with her friends. She was much older than Tooru was, not that he minded or anything.</p><p>Not long after she left, and in the middle of his episode on space, loud shouting could be heard from downstairs, even with his bedroom door closed shut. He sighed.</p><p>His parents had started arguing more and more as of lately and Tooru was unable to figure out why, at least for now.</p><p>Without being free to run next door or able to seek the comfort of his sister like he normally would, he draped a blanket over his head and ran off into his parent’s shared bedroom. He was alone, the least he could do is make himself comfortable in their bed. The blanket was a light blue and covered him completely, leaving him to waddle like a penguin down the hall.</p><p>He reached up and tugged on the knob, pushing the door open once it was easy enough to move. He hated when his parents fought, it always scared him. His comfort was usually something warm and secluded, like the arms of someone who cares about him, but with each of the three locals unavailable, he had settled for their closet.</p><p>He struggled with the door for a while, he couldn’t figure out how to get it to open, and finally after several minutes of pushing, tugging, and attempts at sliding, he finally managed to pry it open. And that’s when he saw them.</p><p>Inside his mother and father’s bedroom closet, lining the floor were many glorious pairs of shoes that he hadn’t ever seen before. Or maybe he had, in a movie or something, he wasn’t paying attention. There were boots, sandals, and high-heels. He deemed the high-heels the prettiest of them all. That’s how he found himself playing dress-up.</p><p>He tried on each pair of heels, clacking them around against the floor as they slid around his smaller feet. He especially liked striding up to the mirror and striking a silly pose, giggling at his own antics. He continued this, forgetting all about his parents, not even registering the loud slam of his front door and the tired footsteps climbing the stairs or even the creaking of the door opening until he saw his mother’s reflection staring back at him from the far corner of the full-length mirror.</p><p>Caught, guilty, and scared, he turned around to face his mother with a frown, quickly kicking the shoes off and ducking his head with a mumble of an apology, silently hoping she wouldn’t be disappointed in him. Sure, he had never seen those types of shoes before, at least not during a conscious thought, but he was nearly positive that they weren’t the type for boys to wear.</p><p>Instead of being ridiculed, something he grew to learn his dad would start doing more and more for his choices, she gave him a soft smile and slid the shoes back onto his feet. “It’s okay, you can have them. They’re too small for me anyway.” She said.</p><p>The next day, when Hajime returned home and came over, he was sure to show him of the new collection of shoes he had, and he may or may not have given him a show.</p><p>***</p><p>Two years later at age ten, he found out that his sister had gotten pregnant with his unborn nephew. Yes, she was eighteen and could make her own choices, but her father still was disappointed and argued with her until she was driven out of the house.</p><p>It took a few months until Tooru was able to see his sister again, this time at her own new apartment with her boyfriend and son. It went into his book of his greatest moments, number two; holding Takeru. He still strongly believed that meeting Hajime deserved its title as number one.</p><p>His mom allowed them to visit often, only when his dad was at work though, his sister wasn’t on the most solid ground with him. Eventually, she grew tired of it and just gave them a key so that they could stop by whenever they wanted, or rather could. Their father would have a fit if he found out that they were sneaking around to go see his ‘disgrace of a daughter.’</p><p>***</p><p>Two more years later, at age twelve, Oikawa had found himself glancing at girls’ skirts quite often. His friends called him out on it as soon as they realized what his attention was so drawn towards, though. They called him indecent, insulted, and ridiculed him for such disgusting thoughts until he had explained that he found the skirts themselves interesting, having no ulterior motive behind that.</p><p>When he told his mom about what had happened that day, she decided to take him shopping. They were able to find him many skirts that he liked, and each one he tried on that made his face light up, she bought for him.</p><p>At first, he was scared because apparently skirts were a feminine thing and not meant for guys to wear, but his mother quickly shut down that train of thought and told him that if it made him happy, then he should wear it. He was so incredibly grateful for his mother.</p><p>When Oikawa showed up to school the next day wearing a new skirt, a deep navy blue one that matched the school’s uniforms, Iwaizumi was now the one who was caught staring. Their friends, Matsukawa and Hanamaki, weren’t ones to play favorites though and called him out on it too.</p><p>“You’re staring pretty hard,” Matsukawa snickered, drawing Iwaizumi’s attention away from Oikawa and the crowd that had formed around him. He was naturally a people person, always having a small entourage that seemed to follow him no matter what part of campus he was on.</p><p>He’d always smile at them too, although after being around him for so long, Iwaizumi was able to see the genuineness slip away and a facade start to bleed through, it was becoming clear how strained it seemed. Or at least to someone who’s known him forever, the others probably wouldn’t be able to tell.</p><p>“are you trying to burn a hole through that skirt of his?” Hanamaki finished the remark, cornering Iwaizumi into a grumble with a light hue that dusted his cheeks. It was rare that he was ever caught off-guard, especially by something Oikawa had done, yet here he was nearing the edge of flustered.</p><p>He was sitting on his chair backwards, arms folded against the top of it so that he could see Oikawa clearly while Issei and Takahiro stood on either side of his desk.</p><p>“I don’t want to hear a word about this.” He sighed when he had managed to shake it off and noticed Oikawa walking towards them, skirt flowing lightly with the movement. If Oikawa knew that he had managed to throw Iwaizumi off his game, even if for a minute, the three of them would never be able to hear the end of it.</p><p>The two boys behind him stifled a laugh, the thought still fresh on their minds, and Oikawa noticed how Iwaizumi had said something to the two that made them laugh while watching him come over. Naturally, he thought it was about him and frowned.</p><p>“Do you guys not like it? Does it not look good on me?” He was never the type to be insecure, not when he constantly had people reminding him of his good looks, it only harvested his ego, yet here were the three people’s who’s opinion actually mattered laughing — seemingly — at him.</p><p>“Oh no, don’t mind us.” Makki tells him, a grin resting on his lips. “Yeah, you look great.” Mattsun finishes with an identical expression to Makki’s.</p><p>“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa had given him the nickname once he was old enough to pronounce his last name correctly without butchering it. At first, Iwaizumi protested against it, but the name still stuck to him, and once he found out that his friend had no intentions of letting it go, he dropped it, deciding to just ignore it. He would never admit this, at least not to his face, but he was actually quite fond of the nickname.</p><p>“You look fine.” He huffed, crossing his arms and glancing away to avoid a repeat of the minute prior.</p><p>They weren’t little kids anymore, they had grown into their personalities and were now comfortable with who they were. They also had spent so much time together that they knew just what to do and/or say to avoid and/or cause certain reactions.</p><p>They had also spent enough time with one another to get into similar hobbies. Volleyball was one of them. As a setter at Kitagawa Daiichi, Oikawa spent a lot of time practicing. He also had been practicing on his jump serves recently too.</p><p>That meant his legs were beautifully toned, not to mention that because of his height, they were long too. With an accidental, impulsive glance down, he realised that Oikawa was also wearing white thigh-high socks to accommodate the skirt as well. And then he was dragging his eyes up the lower half of his friend’s body, starting with the black sneakers he wore.</p><p>The space between his socks and the bottom of his skirt left a bit of room for the light cornsilk color of his thighs, the smooth skin ever-so-pretty. “Is Iwa-chan checking me out?” His voice pitched up a bit to dip into that teasing tone as he bent down to meet Iwaizumi’s eyes, the same eyes that held the realization that he had just gotten caught for something he had unintentionally did.</p><p>“You wish,” He growled, twisting around to face the correct way in his seat as well as to avoid his friend and his underlying embarrassment.</p><p>***</p><p>Later that day, he had found Oikawa practicing jump serves again, but this time he was accompanied by the flare of his skirt when he jumped and landed. He obviously knew nothing about wearing them. “Oi! Go change, you can’t practice in a skirt!” Iwaizumi shouted, picking up a stray volleyball that had rolled nearby and throwing it at him.</p><p>He had just narrowly escaped getting hit with said ball that was flying towards him as his feet didn’t even make solid contact with the ground before he had to dive to avoid it. “Mean, Iwa-chan! That could’ve hit me!” Oikawa complained, but nonetheless ran off with his bag and into the changing rooms.</p><p>He tried to ignore the snickers coming from Hanamaki and Matsukawa as they had no doubtedly caught him staring. In his defense, Oikawa looked really pretty in a skirt.</p><p>***</p><p>Later that year, after Oikawa had been coaxed into buying a dress and a few more skirts, and further into the night, he heard the arguing of his parents again. He was older now, he had gotten used to the violent tones, threats, and sometimes crashing noises of whatever had been punched or thrown.</p><p>That doesn’t mean it scared him any less, though. Especially not when they got worse each time one had broken out.</p><p>Usually, he’d run off to his sister’s room or sneak out his window to Iwaizumi’s bedroom and let them comfort him, but he was older now. He was too old for childish things like that, he had to be strong.</p><p>He was independent as well. His sister taught him that much. He had to be able to face his fears on his own, he wouldn’t always have someone there.</p><p>His first attempt was hiding in his closet, then his next choice was to hid beneath his bed, then it was watching TV, listening to music, drawing, playing with his volleyball, playing video games, and so on until he was huddled up inside his blanket with his knees pulled to his chest, arms folded on top, resting his head against them.</p><p>He was shaking and there were tears threatening to spill from his eyes and stream down his face. He was scared, he always was. There was no one that he valued more than his mother, she had been the brightest light in his life.</p><p>It was coursed fear through his veins when he could hear shouts and loud bangs and crashes and hear how they’d draw out for hours until his mother finally came up to kiss him goodnight with a tired smile, red eyes, and tear soaked cheeks.</p><p>“I’ll be back, okay?” His mother promised, she always did, and Oikawa nodded, he always nodded, he trusted her, leaning into the kiss she pressed on his temple.</p><p>But that night was the last night she promised, the last time she gave him a kiss, and the last time he saw his mother’s weary face before he went to bed.</p><p>He was aware that his mom was stressed out and usually went to a nearby park for fresh air or if it wasn’t too late that night, she’d go to the Iwaizumi household that was conveniently placed next door.</p><p>He woke up with many violent shakes and hysterical crying coming from… his sister? But what was she doing here? She lived all the way on the other side of town. And what time was it? The moonlight still shone through his bedroom window from high up in the sky.</p><p>“T-Too...ru… Too-ru, g-get up,” She was sobbing violently, ugly fat tears streaming down her face, many of them landing onto his bed in a wet spot as he groggily sat up. “Nee-san?” He questioned, his voice still a bit thick from sleep.</p><p>“Tooru,” She breathed out, pulling him into a hug. They sat there for about a minute, the older Oikawa enjoying the comfort of her younger brother who still hugged her back despite undoubtedly being confused.</p><p>“Nee-san, tell me what’s wrong?” And just like how the tears stopped and were replaced with erratic breathing when he awoke, she was now shaking and crying again.</p><p>“It’s Mom.” Was what he pieced together through the sob-laced broken syllables. Tooru wasn’t stupid, he wasn’t a genuis either but he wasn’t stupid. Why was his sister on the other side of town, at an ungodly hour of the night, in a house she swore she’d never step foot in again, crying into him like this, with the only explanation being that it was their mom?</p><p>Something happened, something had to happen, what else could there be? He didn’t even have half the mind to ask her to elaborate on what exactly had happened, he was just frozen in shock.</p><p>He felt them before he realized, felt the hot tears pour from his eyes, and now both children were crying and shaking with the heavy feeling of grief.</p><p>***</p><p>It was later in the day, the late afternoon, before his sister had explained to him what had happened.</p><p>She said she woke up with a call from the hospital that she had gotten into a head-on collision with a tree, and that the cause was distracted driving from elevated emotions based on energy levels.</p><p>She had apparently been drifting into the traffic of an opposite direction’s lane, then swerved hard to avoid a crash, but flipped the car and slammed into a tree, and that any chance she had of surviving that was cut to zero when the car burst into flames.</p><p>She also mentioned that when she arrived, their father was angrily storming off before he sped away too, although she couldn’t bring herself to care about him at the time, at all really.</p><p>She stayed out of his way then ran up to his room to wake him up, attempting to tell him what had happened. He knew the rest from there, how they were crying for at least an hour until they fell asleep from exhaustion, but even then neither could stay asleep too long, not with the nightmares.</p><p>Their dad gave her a closed casket funeral, and didn’t even bother to attend. Both children were too shaken up to even give her a proper memorial, their attempts consisted of lots of tears and a few strangled sentences.</p><p>After that, Oikawa bid his sister goodbye and reluctantly went up to his room. His home felt much darker without his mother there, the loss of her still fresh, and he was terrified of his father.</p><p>He cried into his pillow some more, eventually dozing off until a loud slam of his front door jostled him awake.</p><p>He was barely able to register his surroundings before his room door swung open with just as much force, no doubt without leaving a hole in the wall, before his dad took a swig from the bottle in his hand and slurred something along the lines of ‘throw out all of those frilly clothes before I burn them, you stupid fag’ before throwing said bottle torwards Oikawa’s head, which he thankfully managed to avoid, before he heard the glass break against his wall and the door slam shut again.</p><p>And then he realised he couldn’t stay there. No. He had to pack, and fast. His dad was never as accepting of his choices as his mom was and would definitely burn it all if he found out, it was nowhere near an empty threat even if he was inebriated. He couldn’t let that happen, not when this was all he had left of her.</p><p>He quickly dialed his sister’s number, explaining what had happened while packing, and she didn’t hesitate to turn around and come get him. She felt stupid for leaving him with their sorry excuse of a father figure in the first place.</p><p>He packed everything his mother had ever given him, and then all the necessities, before sneaking out of his house and down to his sibling’s car, turning the location off on his phone and thanking her repeatedly.</p><p>He was left no trace of him or where he was even going and turned off his phone just for precautionary measures.</p><p>***</p><p>A week after this tragedy, Oikawa finally returned to school looking as lively as ever. The other students believed his lie when he said he was sick, but the administration had been informed of the truth, and his friends could see right through him.</p><p>He was sick in a sense. Sick of his father, sick of grieving, and sick of staying up every night to play with Takeru because he now had to be exhausted to sleep or otherwise he’d be restless.</p><p>Iwaizumi was the first to bombard him with questions, saying how no one was home each time he went over and no one answered their phones. He then had to inform him that his mother’s phone had no use and he turned his own off to escape from his father. Iwaizumi knew about all the awful things he had done to Oikawa, things that went deeper than countless arguments with his mother.</p><p>He then explained to the other two, as well as his lifelong friend, that it wasn’t that he didn’t trust him, it was just that his dad knew it’d be the first place to look and his sister hadn’t had any contact with him for three years. He’d be safer there.</p><p>He explained the whole situation to them and was sure to add the fact that his sister was just a spur of the moment choice, and he’d be living with his mother’s sister, who absolutely adored him by the way, for the time being because she was closer to the school.</p><p>It took a while, but he was finally able to make peace with the departure of his mother after much needed help from his small trio of friends.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>Hajime is so pretty. I really like how soft his eyes look when he’s not glaring at or threatening me. Basically when he’s looking or talking to anyone else. I really like how the dark brown of his hair makes his eyes contrast more compared to his skin. It’s pretty soft too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I haven’t felt it in a while, he doesn’t like when I touch him, he says it creeps him out, like I’m plotting something evil, but I remember the last time I did. I made him switch conditioners after he said mine smelt nice. He said he really didn’t care which kind he got.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Also he always smells really good. Like the flowers in spring after it’s rained, with just a dash of that Earthly musk like dirt. Not too ‘feminine,’ never that. Hajime is the manliest guy I know, but like a refreshing breath of fresh air after being stuck inside for so long.</em>
</p><p>“Ouch, hey! What was that for?!” Oikawa whines, rubbing the spot on his head from the impact of the familiar force of a volleyball hitting him. Maybe he’ll actually knock him out one day, who knows.</p><p>He was facing Iwaizumi, lost in his thoughts about him, he was lucky that he wasn’t given a black eye. The ball nearly hit the bridge of his nose, opting for his forehead instead.</p><p>“Stop daydreaming, dumbass! We have practice!” Iwaizumi growls, picking up the ball that rolled back to his feet, prepping it in his hands in case it needed to be thrown again.</p><p>
  <em>But he’s also really mean.</em>
</p><p>“Mean, Iwa-chan! That really hurt!” He could feel the sting coursing through his head, the spot throbbing violently, his hair was never enough of a cushion, it made it worse that it came head-on this time. <em>Why must Hajime hit me all the time?! I can listen without force! I think. Maybe...</em></p><p>“Good!” <em>So he does want to injure me?! What would happen if he gives me brain damage from taking these hits?! I’d bet he’d be sorry then.</em></p><p>“Hug me and make it better?” He asks with a fake set of pleading eyes, latching onto Iwaizumi in a hug.<br/><br/><em>But I know he only does it because he cares. He’s been with me for as long as I can remember.</em></p><p>“Gross, get off of me, Shittykawa!”</p><p>
  <em>Does he really not want to hug me? Will he get so annoyed one day that he eventually snaps? <strong>He’s been with me for as long as I can remember.</strong></em>
</p><p>“Fine, be that way!” He huffs, dramatically storming off to the gym.</p><p>“You are such a brat! You’re fifteen, act your age for once!”</p><p>
  <em>It’ll be fine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope.</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>Oikawa hadn’t worn skirts since his mother passed, each one always brought up a bittersweet memory. He was eighteen now, searching through his closet in his aunt’s home to find something that reflected his mood while also looking good.</p><p>He still kept in touch with his friends, not letting the bit of distance put a strain on them. He still visited his sister often, and now that Takeru was older, he even started taking him out to the park. Although, he soon grew to learn that Takeru had the same dotting personality as his sister.</p><p>Of course, he was already aware, but it fully sunk in via an embarrassing trip to the park when they got caught by Tobio. He was sure to make sure the incident would never repeat itself.</p><p>But that was months ago. Currently, he was slightly panicking.</p><p>He was nervous, who wouldn’t be? Today was the day, the day he planned on telling him.</p><p>He then came across a teal dress that was a bit flowy towards the end. It definitely matched his school’s uniform. He remembered the day his mom picked it out for him and said that the color would match him well, only except it was the only one the store had and it was a size bigger, so he’d have to wait to wear it.</p><p>He could fit it now, though, and it still had the tag from when they bought it attached to the side of it.</p><p>Pulling it from the closet, he held it up in front of his body, moving to stand in front of the mirror. His mother was right, he’d look amazing in it.</p><p>He dressed in that for school and was sure to avoid his friends all day, thankful that they didn’t have any classes together because of the schedule rotation. He also told each fangirl to stay quiet about it, otherwise they'd ruin his surprise.</p><p>Afterwards, when the school was mostly cleared out and practice was nearly over, minus the addition of their captain but the vice could handle it, it was nothing he hadn't done before, Oikawa walked up to the gym, dressed in his nice teal dress, practicing regulating his breathing with an overused regime he found online.</p><p>He stood there in the entrance, watching his team clean up after themselves from practice, until Kunimi caught sight of him. He pointed it out to Kindaichi who pointed it out to the third years that were tossing the balls back into the bins.</p><p>He could basically hear the low hum of confusion Iwaizumi let out when Kindaichi went up to him, he’s heard it many times before. He stopped collecting balls, turning to face the door. He knew he wanted to say something, most likely shout at him for missing practice unannounced, but he could also tell how the words died in his throat.</p><p>Oikawa waited until everyone else cleared out, including Matsukawa and Hanamaki, before walking over to Iwaizumi, carefully avoiding making eye contact.</p><p>“What’s with the dress?”</p><p>He wasn’t expecting that to be the first thing he heard, maybe him yelling or a punch to the arm, but definitely not a question. Although, yes he did expect it, just not first. “I wanted to try something new.”</p><p>He spoke softly, fiddling with his thumbs solely because of how nervous he was. He didn’t even have the guts to look at Iwaizumi, he was breaking.</p><p>“Why didn’t you come to practice?”</p><p>That’s a reasonable question he supposes. He is captain after all, and he also gave no heads-up of any kind to the team.</p><p>“Because then I wouldn’t be able to do this.” He was talking so softly, Iwaizumi was basically straining to hear him, he never talked this low, but since he was then it meant that this had to be important.</p><p>“Do what?”</p><p>“T...ou.”</p><p>“Toe? Speak up, dummy, I can’t hear you.”</p><p>So Oikawa inhaled deeply, sighing before lifting his head up to look his friend in the eye. “Tell you.”</p><p>“Tell me what?”</p><p>It was now or never, he guessed. “What if… I said that I liked a guy, hypothetically?” He knew phrasing it as a question just made it all the more obvious, but he didn’t care right now.</p><p>“Then you like guys and you’d be able to go find you a guy who loves you for you.” Was he coming out to him right now? Iwaizumi wouldn’t know, Oikawa was always such a special creature.</p><p>“But what if… he happens to be… you?”</p><p>“Me?” Iwaizumi questioned with a raised eyebrow, receiving a nod from his friend. “Then I’d ask you out, I guess.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I said I’d ask you out,” He shrugged as if this news wasn’t completely groundbreaking to the boy that stood in front of him. “girls were never really my style, especially not the ones that swarmed me to get to you. At first, I thought it was because I’ve known you forever, but then back in junior high, I realised it was a crush. I just never said anything because I thought you were into girls only.”</p><p>And this was when Iwaizumi realised that Oikawa had started shaking with light sobs before he sunk down onto the floor. Concerned could've been an understatement. “Woah, stop it, why are you crying?!”</p><p>“I waited until we were about to graduate to tell you, scared that you’d reject my feelings and we’d never go back to what we had. I’ve been in love with you for years, and now you want to tell me.”</p><p>“How is this my fault?!”</p><p>“If you would’ve told me that you weren’t straight either, we could’ve done this before high school!”</p><p>“We still have a month left, don’t make it seem like it’s over, because it’s not. We’ve been together our whole lives, Tooru. We have time.”</p><p>
  <em>But what if we didn’t?</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i heard a self insert through your top kin is a great writing strategy so 🤷♀️</p></blockquote></div></div>
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